Finding Normal... and The story of Yarik and Erik

Normal is a little orange fish that swims around in my head. I can't seem to find him anywhere. Most of my life, NOT finding Normal, WAS my Normal. But now.... now I seek Normal.

...and sanity.

Everyday is another obstacle and another corner to turn. Each day we learn a little more about Erik and about Yarik. Maybe that sounds strange. Of course in body they are the same person, but in actuality, they are very different.

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Yarik is an Ukrainian orphaned boy who came from a difficult past and has been seeking love and a family. He misbehaves and lacks listening skills and does not do well in school. He is the youngest child in both his birth family and foster family and often picked on. He shares a bedroom with 2 older boys and has few personal effects in his room. He lives in survival mode and is often not concerned with consequences. But Yarik is a kind boy with a good heart and a love for Jesus. He has hope that he will find a family but mostly life is about playing. Yarik is in constant awareness of his past and unsure of his future.

Erik is Jenn and Paul's American son. He has 2 dogs and a cat and his own Super Hero room. He makes his own bed and folds his clothes. He checks the mail everyday and distributes it to it's rightful owner. He loves it when mail comes for him! Erik helps out around the house and he does well at school. He is an only child and still trying to find friends he can play with. Until then, he does well playing by himself and with mom and dad. Erik loves hockey and cars, especially Mustangs, and is learning English rapidly. Erik is very relaxed, sometimes too relaxed, and gets upset when he knows he has misbehaved. He wants to please the people around him because he has a good heart and a love for Jesus. Erik loves looking at pictures of the people who love him and care about him. He has a website designed all about him and he thinks that is really "awesome". Erik loves his family and life is mostly about love... and playing. Erik is in constant awareness of his Future and working to make amends with his past.

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As you can see, Yarik and Erik are two very different kids living in the same body. What remains constant is his good heart and love for Jesus and really, what else do you need? 

While Erik is learning about expectations and consequences and rewards and being apart of a family, we are learning about exceptions, and teaching and picking and choosing battles and raising a family.

While we are Finding Normal, we learn to juggle work and school, our taste buds and a child's taste buds, exhaustion and homework, laundry and... more laundry, housework and a (clumsy) boy, 24 hours and 36 hours of stuff that needs to be done, and I almost forgot... marriage. Thankfully Paul and I have a solid, sound, fun, adaptable, laughable and on-the-same-page on parenting relationship. Not to mention we are too tired to argue and don't see each other enough to anyway. 

America in Review

Trying to catch you up on all that happened when we got back isn't an easy job but I am up to the challenge. Especially because it makes things easier when I scrapbook. We came home on a Wednesday and the first few days were really great watching Erik meet his family. We took him to our work and let him see where we work and meet some of our co workers. Everyone was so happy to see this little boy their heard and read so much about. As he first started to meet people he grew shy but inevitably someone would stand out from the crowd as a big kid and Erik would respond with his kid-like charm and fun!

The next couple days were a little less fun for all of us. We knew that as soon as we came home we would need to take Paul's truck into the shop to get fixed. Right before we left for Ukraine, it started making some bad sounds and shaking instead of braking. We took it in to our amazing car mechanic (yes there are some honest ones out there still). After a day he called us and told us that he did not want to fix it for us. The cost to fix it would cost far more than the value left in our 15 year old vehicle, and even then, there would be no guarantee it would add much more time. Since we cannot get around on just one vehicle with our alternating schedules and now a third family member with places to be, we had no choice but to start looking for a vehicle. We haven't had a car payment in the past 2 years and have really loved that benefit, but just coming back, we didn't have the funds to buy anything (that would last more than a few months) outright.

We started going to dealerships and looking at our options but there really weren't many. In fact the few we found in our price range seemed to have problems. We tried to crunch numbers a couple times but, maybe most car buyers aren't smart and don't understand how car sales work, and that's why the sales team dealt with us the way they did... I don't know, but we left each time frustrated and beside ourselves. They kept asking what amount we wanted for payments and then kept asking us why it mattered how many months if they could get us into our payments.... ummmm because that means the overall price is higher! On and on they played their sales office games... us: "do you have a business card?" salesman "not on me, we have to get it inside" or "I have to get it from my manager"... followed by the parade of sales managers trying to figure out how they can "earn our business".

Day after day we were looking and not finding and Erik was trying to be so patient but clearly not excited. This was a surprise since he loves cars... I guess just not the ones we were looking at. Anyway a friend told us to look in the auto trader, and we didn't want to buy from a mom and pop car shop or a person, because they would be As Is and we wouldn't know what we would be getting but without any other options Paul decided to looking and figured we would take any vehicle we were serious about to our mechanic. Paul found a car that sounded exactly like what we looking for and at a decent price... what was strange was that it was at a Mercedes dealership. Mercedes. Somewhere we had no business walking into. Even though we were certain we would be disappointed once we got there, we decided to go anywhere.

Paul went in and asked for a sales person while Erik and I went to look at the vehicle, a 2003 Santa Fe. When a few minutes had passed, we went to find Paul and he assured us our sales person was coming and she was worth the wait. I didn't know what to think! Was I about to see a woman with crazy hair and makeup like Mimi from Drew Carey or what? Paul was right. She was worth the wait. Marina was from Russia! (and she didn't look anything like Mimi for anyone wondering). Marina greeted Erik and gave him an opportunity to speak in his native language. They conversed every step of the way including throughout the test drive. Marina didn't use any sales techniques she just made our kid very happy. The truck was perfect. Very good condition, very low miles, very well taken care of. Evidently it was a car from someone who had the vehicle to use when they visited their 2nd home here in Florida and then traded it in for a new Mercedes. We learned a lesson. High end dealerships are a great place to find a used vehicle at a low price because they intend to just take them to auction and the owners usually take very good care of them!

Marina worked on the price for us, she made sure their mechanics did a full inspection and fixed every tiny thing and even gave Paul a Mercedes to drive since in took a few days to get it "Erik Safe". Like I said before, we had no business stepping foot in a Mercedes dealership, but every person there treated us like we were there to buy their best vehicle. Truly amazing. We were able to get this amazing vehicle and had a great experience and yet our payment were lower than we expected and for a year less than we wanted! God watched over us! Marina also has a 9 year old son so we will be getting our kids together soon!

A week after being home, Paul's mom came to town to meet Erik. Sadly his dad couldn't come. This was on Halloween. We picked her up from the airport and that night she and I and Aunt Val (my best friend), took Erik to the Melnicks for trick or treating. We ran into a little hiccup on the way with a battle of car sickness due to Mom's bad driving. Erik may no apology for his interpretation of my stop and go in traffic driving and how it made his tummy go from "good" to "bad" to empty out into his treat or treat bag. We made a stop for a new trick or treat bag and whisk toothbrushes and some saltines but he was fine after that.

It took Erik....excuse me, Iron Man, all of 3 seconds to catch onto how Halloween works. Our kid is a leader. He was at the front of the line of the kids we went with and said "Trick or treat" and "thank you"... most of the time. He really enjoyed it and could not believe people were just giving out candy!

As much as we have tried to keep Erik from getting spoiled, unfortunately we haven't been able to stop it. Friends and Family members have brought Erik little gifts and we have even received a couple small presents in the mail from complete strangers and we are not sure where they came from or how they got our address. Erik checks the mail every day and on the days when something comes for him, he is especially excited. Most of all he really loves playing with his daddy. It's been hard on him now that daddy is back to work and not home for bedtime.

This week on Wednesday Erik started school. We had visited his school twice before and he has grown to be excited to go. Wednesdays are shorter by an hour and we thought it was a good day for him to start. Before he could, we had to go take him to get his shots. 5 shots. For a few days after his arm was sorry and he told everyone about the plain and the 5 shots. He cried and cried at the fear of the shots and it broke my heart to put him through it but as soon as we were done. Anyway, a few days after the shots, Erik was ready for his first day of school. His teacher is fantastic and he really likes her.

On Wednesday night, we celebrated Erik's first day by taking him to his first Hockey game, ECHL Orlando Solar Bears! Uncle Anthony (Paul's best friend) joined us and we had a great time. that night Erik asked us if he could say his bedtime prayers in English. His prayers were simple but he thanked God for Mom and Dad, Uncle Anthony, Aunt Judy, his teacher and his class. And after he said Amen, he closed his eyes again to pray for Isabelle, Ruthie and Sirius.

Days 2 and 3 of school ended in smiles too. We await the day when smiles will turn into tears but hopefully it won't happen for a while. He has homework every day now and pretty good about doing it but I have learned I am not a teacher and it's hard to explain basic concepts to a child who doesn't understand the instructions.

Today was another big day in Erik's language development. When he was having free time and playing in his room, he was doing a bit of role playing. Usually this is done in Ukrainian/Russian and we have no clue what he is saying. Today he was role playing in English. He was very clever and imaginative with his limited word and phrase usage and incorporated family friends in his game and carried on full conversations between multiple people. I just sat in the adjacent room chuckling. I am so happy that my child now plays and prays in English.

Over the past week Erik has also started opening up to Paul and I about things from his past and this is a good sign of his comfort level here. He also has become pretty good at finding ways to argue his point with the words he knows and he uses a lot of motions to get his point across. All these language skills are huge in his development and in no time he will be up to speed with his peers.

All in all, we have had a great 2 and a half weeks home and we are thrilled to see how our family will continue to change and grow. Thank you for continuing with us on the next chapter.

Home and Adjusting

Strong requests to hear about our transition have encouraged me to continue blogging. Sadly our previous blog site is part of a website which we pay for monthly and would like to stop so I have been seeking a free blog site that is easy to use. Surprisingly, this was not an easy task. Here, I have found blogspot which seems to be easier than most, although it does not seem to have all the entities I was looking for.

In any case, here I blog.

We have been home now just over 2 weeks and life is different. We were greeting with a heroes welcome at the Orlando International Airport on October 24, 2012. We could have asked for a better group of people to be there waiting for us! I don' think Erik knew what to think.

Upon arriving home he met his pets and was introduced to his bedroom. We gave him a quick tour of the house but he was excited to see his toys and his bed. It wasn't long before we all needed to head off to bed and say good night to the 31 hour day.

Since that monumental night, Erik has become quite comfortable. He has grown attatched to our friends and family and was welcomed to America in the best way a child could... with Halloween! He dressed as Iron Man when his Captain America costume was too small to wear anything under on the cold night.

This week Erik had three big milestones. #1. He started school and so far he loves it and his teacher said he is doing well. #2. He attended his first ever Hockey Game. And #3. He started saying prayers in English. The verbage is basic and simple but he is trying.

Paul has gone back to work and I go back on the 17th and we expect at that point we will see some behavior difficulties.

I will be blogging weekly for you with the events going on in our new lives. This will also be a blog to speak for those still seeking their families.